Can I Dig Out My Crawlspace By Hand?

Q:   I want to work on my foundation.  I want to dig out my crawlspace into a full basement and stuff like that.  How hard is it?

A:   Have fun.

Foundation work is serial killer work. You feel grim and mean. You work in the dark and mix tubs of concrete by the light of flickering bare bulbs. You dig dirt with shovels and spades. And when the work is so tight that you cannot use shovels, you switch to hand trowels. And then you resort to the most base level, clawing the dirt with your fingernails.

You are in the tradition of the John Wayne Gacys of this world, late-night work in the earth. There is little difference between you and them, except you’re not burying bodies.

Every shovel-swing is another toast to the John Wayne Gacys of this world.

And somewhere there is a bare bulb swinging on a cord.

And for some goddamned reason, Elton John’s “Yellow Brick Road” playing on continuous rotation on the stereo.

Pure madness. Your wife is visiting relatives in Cincinnati, and any thing could happen. Any damn thing.